It's been

... soooo busy lately. All last week i rushed and rushed to finish a renaissance dress for the weekend. It turned out nicely. The reason i rushed is because this past weekend i went to a medieval event (SCA wise for those that play) where all my friends from my old city said they were going to be going.

........... they never showed up.....................

and i was so very disappointed. Why one may ask.....

Well travel with my family is EXTREMELY difficult. Mum does not travel well at all and when we do we leave all of her special equipment behind. The equipment that is not portable yet she needs for daily movements. Like her poles... and bath seat.. and toilet seat.. and poles on the walls etc. etc. etc.

We drove 4 hour Friday afternoon. This was after dropping off Casey and picking up S17. We got to my uncles 'residence' (which is a gigantic retirement home that he runs! omg it was like walking into a 5 star hotel!! Mum woke me no less then 10 times that night. Dispite me getting up at 5am that morning and driving all that distance.
We got up the next morning. Had the MOST AMAZING breakfast then the kids and i drove 2 hours BACK to the medieval site. We discovered that no one showed up that said they were. In no time the kids were groaning they were bored - there was nothing to do - no one to visit with. My two aquaintences wandered off with their closer friends and i sat at the table sewing alone so we all agreed to leave after only being there for about 4 hours. We drove 2 hours back. Had a GREAT steak supper with my family then went to bed. Again mum woke me up around 10 to 15 times in the night time.
We got up Sunday morning to the same delicious huge breakfast. Packed up and loaded up the car. Drove 2 hours. Stopped to see my cousin and her 4 week old baby girl for about a half hour (mum was exhausted - as was i) got back in the care drove another 2 hours. Dropped S17 off.. Picked up Casey from the kennel and then came home to do 6 loads of laundry and clean the house up.

I was so exhausted that i groaned to D14. It came out that I'm so very tired of taking care of everyone and everything else. Just ONCE i would like someone to take care of ME for a change. The poor thing. She helps out allot but last night she helped out allot more.

Sure i have my daddy. He's great fantastic. However with the situation as it is he cannot take care of me the way he would like to (I'm positive) and how i would like to be taken care of. At times when I'm so very stressed out (like i have been the last few weeks) all i want is to be in my spot and KNOW I'm safe.. and i don't have to worry about anything but making sure he and the children taken care of. I miss him unbelievably badly. I cannot even put into exact words how much.

He says soon... God i pray so! I need him.

Back to my disappointment weekend.

It made me realize that my friends from my old city have moved on. That i have been busy doing work / take care of mum cycle that i have not made any friends here in my new city. It made me feel all alone in the world.

I said to daddy that i don't want to go to any more events unless i know he's coming. He agreed. He said that if he has to go a weekend without me there has to be a benefit of my laughter in there - something i need daily. If there is not then he will not send me so i can cry myself to sleep alone. (which is what i did - sad but true)

So I'm now trying to figure out how i can squeeze meeting new people withing my city into my schedule of work / take care of mum. Honestly - i cannot figure out how...

On another note. I may of found a loop hole to get mum into long term care faster! She so desperately needs long term care now. She falls almost daily and honestly cannot wait another 2 years to get placement. I go tomorrow to find out if that loop hole can be taken advantage of! When i discussed it with mum she was all worried of my bills and how i was going to manage without her here. I don't think she realizes that i pay for everything and have been since we moved. I don't think she realizes when she tells me to take the rent out for "her months" that i never do.

I told her don't worry about me. We'll make due and we will. After she is placed i will be canceling the phone and having only our cell phones. Why pay for two? I will cancel the cable that we never watch. It will be less cooking as it will just be me and D14.

We'll all adjust just fine.... and maybe some stress will be lifted as i wont worry of her falling before i get a chance to get home from work!

~me