I still find it, and imagine i always will, very comforting that i have Sir near when my life gets way stressfull.
This past weekend my kitty began to act strangely. So noteably that i asked if i could take her to the Vet today. Sir said yes. This morning i called and brought her in at 430pm.
This afternoon she definately was not herself.
Constant communication throughtout the testing phases with my sir was good.. and very needed. He saved me from tears more then twice.
Tonight she gets to stay with the Vet. Her liver all but shut down. She will have an IV in her and tomorrow back to food - if she will eat and home.
Tonight im also wiped right out. I want to be within arms reach. Sounds silly but i want that cry too. But more i want to know its going to be ok.
I get stressed out.. and i reach to him for my support. I always get it no matter the distnace. He holds me together. After it passes i just want to be cuddled up tight and held still and be told its all ok......
Monday, March 26, 2007
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Lonely
I'm just lonely tonight.
Then again i find that most nights im lonely. The bed just a little too big - the room a little empty.
There are lots of things i wish for - but the main one is i want to be at home.
I dont want to run things on my own. I want help to do so. I would love my list waiting for me at the coffee pot. Outlining my day. No need to worry over bills or being late for work or OMG the laundry monster ate my laundry room - again!
I just want to be me.
I feel like the longer im way out here.. the less i feel ... me.
I stuffed this part of myself away for a great many years. I like being able to be free within my fences. I dont want to go back to the way it was... not ever.
... maybe im just lonely...
Missing My Sir
Missing my friends from the other city
missing what it was like when we were away. That was heaven on a stick and OOOhhh so perfect. Like being in a very real dream - the waking up realizing that yup.. your life is still chaos.. it still sucks.. and there is no end of it in sight.
blah.. im gonna go to bed. So i can wake up and start a new happy day all over again! Weeeee
Then again i find that most nights im lonely. The bed just a little too big - the room a little empty.
There are lots of things i wish for - but the main one is i want to be at home.
I dont want to run things on my own. I want help to do so. I would love my list waiting for me at the coffee pot. Outlining my day. No need to worry over bills or being late for work or OMG the laundry monster ate my laundry room - again!
I just want to be me.
I feel like the longer im way out here.. the less i feel ... me.
I stuffed this part of myself away for a great many years. I like being able to be free within my fences. I dont want to go back to the way it was... not ever.
... maybe im just lonely...
Missing My Sir
Missing my friends from the other city
missing what it was like when we were away. That was heaven on a stick and OOOhhh so perfect. Like being in a very real dream - the waking up realizing that yup.. your life is still chaos.. it still sucks.. and there is no end of it in sight.
blah.. im gonna go to bed. So i can wake up and start a new happy day all over again! Weeeee
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Work issues
I have work issues. Most speicfically my rate of pay.
3 years ago i started my job as an FLA for a major computer company. I started at 13.50 per hour. I quickly worked through my job and landed in the quality department. When i left that job some 3.5 years later i was making 16.75.
Fast forward to now. I've started at a new place due to a relocation. They started me at 13.50 with the promise of a raise. I have now been told there will be no raise. I work for the same major computer company but a differnet outsourced partner.
To say that im insulted is an understatement. I do not understand how my experience can only be worth my starting pay that i had 3.5 years ago.
I have spoke to sir about this. Grant you there is nothing any of us can do over it. My options here are few and far between. In the end i think im just going to have to follow my own advise that i commonly give out at work. Smile nicely. Nod polietly.
It's just really hard to eat these sour grapes. Sure my expectations may be high due to the other partner. But i did not work for a partner that was top of the line either. There were many buildings and jobs out there that our employees commonly went to. The major reason for them leaving - joe down the street offered more pay, flexable hours, better benefits. Who could blame them for leaving?
It is just days like this where i do wish i was home. Where i would not have to worry over such stupid things. Where i would be given my allowance to manage. The household bills no longer my worry. The running of my day no longer my cosideration.
It is times like today when i think my home coming will never arrive. That i will be stuck in this low pay hell forever - which makes me very sad.
~ me
3 years ago i started my job as an FLA for a major computer company. I started at 13.50 per hour. I quickly worked through my job and landed in the quality department. When i left that job some 3.5 years later i was making 16.75.
Fast forward to now. I've started at a new place due to a relocation. They started me at 13.50 with the promise of a raise. I have now been told there will be no raise. I work for the same major computer company but a differnet outsourced partner.
To say that im insulted is an understatement. I do not understand how my experience can only be worth my starting pay that i had 3.5 years ago.
I have spoke to sir about this. Grant you there is nothing any of us can do over it. My options here are few and far between. In the end i think im just going to have to follow my own advise that i commonly give out at work. Smile nicely. Nod polietly.
It's just really hard to eat these sour grapes. Sure my expectations may be high due to the other partner. But i did not work for a partner that was top of the line either. There were many buildings and jobs out there that our employees commonly went to. The major reason for them leaving - joe down the street offered more pay, flexable hours, better benefits. Who could blame them for leaving?
It is just days like this where i do wish i was home. Where i would not have to worry over such stupid things. Where i would be given my allowance to manage. The household bills no longer my worry. The running of my day no longer my cosideration.
It is times like today when i think my home coming will never arrive. That i will be stuck in this low pay hell forever - which makes me very sad.
~ me
Monday, March 12, 2007
I used to...
.. have one of these so sir could see in the morning how i passed the night through. Over time it for some reason stopped being used. Perhaps because our communication in other means increased. Perhaps it was just time for a change.
Maybe its just time to start back up again. Pervious expereiences have left me quiet. At times i find it easier to say things without saying them - posting them so that maybe one day they will be found.
Tonight - i miss my sir. Very much. I so wish to be well within arms reach. Seems like forever since i last saw him. I know it has not been very long at all.. but in my eyes it seems like its been years. Perhaps when you miss someone everthing gets magnified.
I want to hurt. I still have a difficult time with that concept. How can one WANT to hurt? I cant explain it but i do. I want to feel grounded. So that when i wake tomorrow and perhaps the next day i'll know that im still very much ok.
I hurt when we were away. I so deserved that though. What possessed me to say 'no' to him i still have no idea. I've not said no to him since very early in my training. I did however say it.. and i did get the ass he owns spanked good. And the next day i hurt. But i felt SO much better.
I've not been sleeping well again. I used to sleep like this. Very often. And then came the smurfs. So far ive only heard of the smurfs brought up once. I used to have those.. then went to the percription one. The dr at one point said i could not get any stronger.. yet i was still not sleeping well. The issue never was (and still remains) falling alseep. It's staying asleep. I'm up so very often. My best sleep is from 6am to 1030/11am. Grant you during the week that simply is not feasable. I have to work - for now.
When i go home it will be better. Much better in so many different ways.
~me
Maybe its just time to start back up again. Pervious expereiences have left me quiet. At times i find it easier to say things without saying them - posting them so that maybe one day they will be found.
Tonight - i miss my sir. Very much. I so wish to be well within arms reach. Seems like forever since i last saw him. I know it has not been very long at all.. but in my eyes it seems like its been years. Perhaps when you miss someone everthing gets magnified.
I want to hurt. I still have a difficult time with that concept. How can one WANT to hurt? I cant explain it but i do. I want to feel grounded. So that when i wake tomorrow and perhaps the next day i'll know that im still very much ok.
I hurt when we were away. I so deserved that though. What possessed me to say 'no' to him i still have no idea. I've not said no to him since very early in my training. I did however say it.. and i did get the ass he owns spanked good. And the next day i hurt. But i felt SO much better.
I've not been sleeping well again. I used to sleep like this. Very often. And then came the smurfs. So far ive only heard of the smurfs brought up once. I used to have those.. then went to the percription one. The dr at one point said i could not get any stronger.. yet i was still not sleeping well. The issue never was (and still remains) falling alseep. It's staying asleep. I'm up so very often. My best sleep is from 6am to 1030/11am. Grant you during the week that simply is not feasable. I have to work - for now.
When i go home it will be better. Much better in so many different ways.
~me
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