Just an ER sort of day

... ya ..

So i highly don't recommend any of my US readers to go to any ER in Canada.
I started my adventure at 1045.. and got out of there at 430pm

Oh joy!

Sounds just downright silly but my period is all out of wack - again - and it really scared me this morning. Something i remember from having the kids. The nurses told me when i left the hospital if i ever start going through a pad an hour to come back. Now i have no idea if that holds true for periods... but i went in anyway. It was that gross.

SO... long story short (and this way it will spare you all the disgusting parts) they tested me for pregnancy - there was none. They made sure my uterus was ok - it is. They changed my birth control - because what i had was practically NON existent to me anymore.

In fact the doctor was amazed i was not preggo that is how low it was in my system.

So for now I'm exhausted. All i want to do is sleep all day. Sir says that is normal considering what has been going on the last couple of days. The doctor does not seem overly concerned. He did say if it gets worse to go back in.

My my adventure in the ER has past. I have a new perscrition for birth control and the possibility to know what life is like WITHOUT a period ever 14 days (or less) Woot!

now.... im going to bed...
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Just another sleepy day

It's been hard waking up today. I can honestly say i don't think i have woken up from today!
sir called around 830.... after the conversation i went back to sleep. He called 2 more times and finally at 1130 he said enough.. get out of bed and start your day.

thing is...... i don't think it started. Sure i got out of bed did the normal take the dog out, come back in shower start coffee eat breakfast.....

But as soon as im done this - and its only 8pm - I'm going right back to bed. I will bet good money it takes me 2.5 seconds to fall into a blissful coma.

It's been a busy weekend. FULL of stress. So much so that "the thing that has no name" has made an early and very painful appearance. Which also means two cycles this month - oh joy.

Sir even brought up the topic of getting a hysterectomy done. That brought tears to my eyes. I said "but if i get preggo i wont have to worry over it for nearly a year." All he said was "that is true." and dropped it. A short time later he brought it back up that when i finally get to see the ob/gyn i should discuss this issue fully and suggest to him that we take out the thing that gives me cycles nearly when ever it wants (and that is WITH birth control!)

That makes me very sad.

One weekend maybe i should bring up this discussion..... of how sad it really makes me.

Maybe its just a phase - most of my friends are having them. Then again - i think its really him. I never wanted to have any with pecker head. He was just too mean. Sir on the other hand - he is an would make again to a small child a wonderful daddy.

I think I'm just gonna go read my book and fall into a coma.

*muah!*

Friend's Baby

Last night my friends from my old city sent the first photo of their baby. It was the first time that i have seen their little baby.

All i could say was AWWWWWWWW as i looked at the screen. Her momma made her the tiniest little SCA garb ever. A miniature version of what she typically wears. Simply adorable!! Even sir cooded over the photo!! I cannot wait to see her in the fall although she will be bigger.

Does the feeling to have anohter creep back in.... yeah it does. But i know now is not the time. There is quite simply too much going on. It saddens me to think that there may never be "a good time" any more in our lives. In the end its ultimately not my decision anyway...

Never the less she is the cutest baby ever and i am very happy for them!!

~me

Long Tail Hamsters

I honestly think these are just midget rats! However they are cute as hell!

While we were out at PetSmart today my D14 and i were looking at the birds and little critters. Hey we actually went to get animal food for the puppy and kitty. Well... we both looked at these midget rats and love them.

So i'm fairly certain we will be getting two in the very near future. Thing is... i was never allowed hamsters or any sort of rodent when i was small. I have NOT A FREAKING CLUE how to care for these things. For that matter i have no idea where i'm gonna put them. I have one very curious puppy and an even more curious CAT!

D14 has named the one she wants already. Big Steve. He's a fat little thing. The other will be sorta marked like those spotted cows! I said call it moo moo.. she laughed and said no. I'm waiting for a response on a pet cage for them. If pet smart is open we'll go tonight. If not we'll go tomorrow.

Its been a busy but not day. No gym today. Sir says its my day off. I will go tomorrow though. Took my mum for supper. Just the ordinary stuff for a weekend really. Only exception is that i went to the library. I may take a walk with D14 later on for the store (i'm looking for Vogue Knitting Magazine) if we dont drive there on the way back from PetSmart.

Am i nuts to be allowing these little creatures into the house? Naaaahh i don't think so.

~me

I have a friend

I do have many actually.. but only one that i wish to vent about today. She is a good friend. One of my closest. She does not know of the nature of my relationship with my sir. Nor will she. She is one of those OMG vanilla folks that see anything outside of the 'normal' relationship as being wrong or abusive - which this is SO far from that it isn't even funny!

Awhile back my sir mentioned the big M word. (that being married) We tossed back and forth the idea of it. Thoughts on it. What each of us were looking for in not only the engagement but the day and long long afterwards.

Was i excited?! OH hell ya!! It was like i have never discussed the topic before with any other guy in my life! Sure i looked at dresses (and bookmarked a few so i can look at them and possilby make one) and started writing my name out on paper - just to see. I thought of vacation spots for the two of us. What the ceremony would be like. Where it woudl be pretty to hold it. The meal afterwards, what it would be like....you know....all the girly stuff we do.

I shared this excitement with my friend, whom was equally excited! And i told her not bring this up in conversation with my sir (acutally used his name with her) - it was merely him suggesting an idea. Not that it will happen. Not that it wont happen. Just his way of planting seeds so to speak in my mind so he can watch them grow. To see my reaction to things. To make me smile when he knows it would of. That he would decide when its time and all the rest of the arrangements. No worries. She said fine no problem.

Well....

She tried to call me the other day. I was at the gym gettin my sir's new bod going! So instead of waiting to talk to me she called him. ..... and aparently some time in the conversation started with the.. "soooo i hear you want to get married......" blah blah blah.

Now.. my sir will talk to her for a few moments. He does not really care for her. HARDLY knows her. Yet she wishes to share all of her life happenings with him. (regrettably i provided his number to her after asking if it was ok. Now she calls him all the time just to gab) He easily states that she is my friend - there is no need for us both to be friends with her. That it is perfectly fine that she is my friend. (which makes me smile!)

A time later after he ditched her (with a valid excuse - he does not wish to hurt her feelings but honestly does not like talking with her) he called me and asked what was that all about. Naturally i told him everything i told her. I don't lie to my sir. There are no secrets.. there is no reason for them. He did not sound impressed at all.

Now i find myself praying that her call did not dissuade him from his decision. That he is not upset. I tried to down play how worried and disappointed i was. That i was just her being her, however still at this late hour i find myself worried over the situation.

Is getting married a necessary thing to us? No. I know i am owned... deliciously so! However, it would help immigration out a WHOLE lot!! Will it be just a formality? I doubt it. My sir knows how much i wish the day to be so very special. The engagement right up to the the day and far after.

Im disappointed in her. She gets so bent when she "discovers" i tell my sir more then i tell her. Even though she is married she cannot understand why i do this. I have asked her if she tells her husband more then she tells me. She replied "of course" but was quick to follow up with the "You don't need me anymore. You've replaced me with him." And that is simply not the case at all. I simply cannot "need" her in the same capacity that i NEED my sir. She does not have what i require. She cannot provide it. (body parts aside - hehehehe). She does not know the ME me.

I have pointed out her statements to sir before as they bother me alot. I have stated to him that it nearly seems like she's jealous for some reason. Take for instance if we are talking and i bring up something that is going on in my life she quickly changes the topic back to her world. I will listen attentively and when she is finished i will bring up something special that is going on again in my life (or ours depending on the topic) and she will quickly bring the topic back to her. It is nearly like she wishes he didn't exist to me. That my world revolves around her and her issues at hand.

Yet - she calls him......*confused*

Sometimes I get the feeling that she is trying to wedge between us. Especially when she does things that i tell her specially not to bring up because they were just discussions that happened. I doubt that she could ever come between us.. however that is what i think she is trying to do.

End result.. i want the engagement to be spectacular. I want day to be so very memorable. Like no other day in my life. NOT just a bump in the road. I want someone to take fantastic photos of the day. One photo of my sir and i walking hand in hand in the sunset. I want a vacation afterwards with JUST us. Something again that memories are made of (do i hear Bora Bora or Tahiti? Hell Venice, Italy?) I have little doubt that he will make each moment of the process special to me. He knows me better then i know myself. He knows what i like and what i will hold dear for the rest of my life. I love him all the more for it.

I never had a special engagement. My first wedding (and presently my only) the engagement ring was throw up to me after he got home from the military on leave with the comment "Here's your freaking ring now stop whining." Fun. Grant you he had a buddy with him so maybe he was just shooting his mouth off? The wedding was MASSIVE. There was no honeymoon. The night of the wedding we stayed in some dirty little motel room that i didn't want to put my dress down on the chair let alone sleep in the bed.

We have been divorced now for as many years as we were married. Strange.

The second engagement the second he took out the ring i felt instantly trapped. I'm positive i heard the iron door slam! I remember that i pulled my hand away but he held my finger so tight it hurt so i would stay still. .... i wish i could erase that entire part of my life from my memory. I carry so much from that one.....

I just want everything to be sooo nice. Everything i dreamed of when i was a little girl, dressed in that sheet i just pulled off the clothes line, wrapped in toga style, as i swung on my rope swing.

Much about nothing

There has been alot and nothing on all at the same time.

I guess the biggest wow thing is that i joined a gym last week. I can tell you i now know i have muscles in my body that i didn't know existed! Goal for this was to tone up and loose weight. Other goal was to get out of the house a bit and possibly meet people. So far.. its a quiet quiet world out there. One good thing is that its an all woman's club. Yup.. no guys.. not even instructors! It's nice. There are also women of all sorts of sizes, shapes and levels of fitness. So i don't feel so out of place so to speak. I left the place yesterday and today and called my daddy. I told him i felt gross and icky and that i was shaking like he just used me good and hard. He laughed and said to get some water in me and that it would go away. It did - eventually. I'll tell ya what though - i slept good and HARD last night. First time in weeks!!!

My daddy's oldest had her brain surgery Wednesday of last week. The first few days were a bit scary for me. I don't like hospitals and much less ICU departments. My father had an operation and was in ICU and died there. Still freaks me out when i hear of anyone going into that unit. I always think OMG their not coming out!! But she is out and doing well. She still is having issues with her right leg. At first she could not feel it, then she could wiggle her toes, then feel it a bit. Now its up to she can feel it but not put any weight on it. She will have to go to phiso but the surgeon is not concerned over it. On whole the surgery went very well. Now its time for recovery. We went down to see her when she was suppose to have it in June. Both of us used up all of the vacation time we had to be with her. Ends up her insurance would not cover it at that time so it got bumped. Bad we're not there this time but it is very good to hear she's doing well.

Im looking to trade away my VW Cabrio. The parts for that car are just simply too expensive. Presently i've spotted a 1999 GMC Tracker. I had a tracker before the cabrio. The only reason i have the cabrio is that after nearly 400,000 km on it it finally died. Aparently the newer trackers have used the same company for the engine. I have to see if 1. my mechanic can look at the vechile for me and 2. if they will take the cabrio on even or better trade. I paid 10K for it about a year and a half ago. To be honest i'd take an even trade for it! This tracker is sitting at 4800.00. So.... we'll see.

Umm.. lets see..
Both my children graduated schools this year. My oldest high school. My youngest grade school. Both were very nice ceremonies and i am proud of each of them!

I'm also looking for another job. I have to call one company tomorrow and i'm still out applying to see if anything else pops up. Why look some of you may ask. Well.. its coming to the 4 week mark and my boss is sure as hell going to bring up something to say i'm not doing my job again. It's tradition with her! Or at least it has been for the past 5 months. I have to call the company that was offering 30K for shipping and recieving. We'll see tomorrow. 30K would be a pay increase which is something else i DESPRITELY need. What they pay me now (when they actually do pay me properly) is not much more then one would recieve on the city dole!

I calculated that out on friday.... and then i calcualted the yearly gross .... and then i cried and cried and cried.

I left pecker head and a job that was paying me 17.00 per hour for this?! While he gets to stay in the cushy house and keep his good paying job?! But you know what.. i needed to get away from him. And dispite the struggle now... im better off because of it. So are my children.

Ok.. gotta go rinse this hair color out of my head.

~me

It