Happiness is..

... knowing your accepted for who you really are!

I received an email from daddy's sister today. It was very nice!!

It in itself made me do the happy dance all night!!!

:)

His oldest sister and mother are very happy that i make him happy. He's happy - their happy. AND
If he's happy IM happy.. soo... everyone wins out in this one.

His sister said she has not seen him this happy in a very very long time. And its a welcomed change.

Daddy asked me if i was ready to have not a mother in law or sister in law.. but a FAMILY. Now i have uncles and aunts. (a brother who wiped himself off the face of the earth - he is alive... he just is dead to mum and I) Daddy says i am family now. Period. Not an in law.

Honestly... i've never had this before. Sure i was the daughter in law.. or with the last relationship the very special long time girl friend....

... but to be considered family into a large Italian family!

WOOOT *happy dances*

As apprehensive as i am... my happiness over it all runs all over it!

Today was a very good day.

Marks.. and babies.

Today i will finish painting D14's room. What has to be done is the ceiling - joy. But that should not take long and hopefully ONE coat will do it. I sorta got a little overzealous with the red paint and got the ceiling a few times then i care to count!

Last night i painted the trim on the floor and round the door and closet black. I still have black paint on my hands that will come off eventually. Why is it that it stays on your nails but not your hands?! Oh well... i have to re French the nails anyway. Daddy likes them like that. *smiles*

Speaking of him.... while we were away i got the ass he owns spanked and damn good too! It was not the first time for this.. definitely wont be the last. I looked in the mirror last night and to my shock the mark is gone! No more. That actually made me sad. It was sorta reassuring that HE put it there. WE both loved it done. And that every time i looked at it.. and God yes it was often!.. i smiled hapily. Feeling completely grounded. Not that i don't feel grounded with it gone.. it just sucks that it is.

A long time ago Daddy told me that he will put his mark on the back he owns in time. (In time meaning for me - not this weekend littleone) Basically will be in the same area as anyone's "tramp stamp" - as D14 calls them. I always wondered how i would feel about having something that he wants on the body he owns. After having that mark on the arse he owns i have discovered that i will LOVE it there! (or anywhere)

Now im actually excited and anxious to get it done. Forget about the needles (cringes) i just want it done!

I have a girl issue that is rather annoying. "The thing that has no name" simply will NOT go away! I'm good for a day or two then whamo back to spotting for 4. Then repeat, repeat, repeat. Daddy says go call the dr for that referral to the gyn. But thing is.. i don't want to get ANY surgeries done without him to wake up to. Sorry.. i don't want to do the whole hospital thing alone. To be very very honest - I'm not so sure of this getting my tubes thing done either.

I dated a rather mean guy. While dating him i decided that i would never wish to buy a house again. Never want a new car (both those lead to obscene debt that i will never get out of) and most importantly that i didn't want anymore kids. I was SO unhappy there. Thankfully that was a lifetime ago (or so it seems) Now.... Daddy comes along..and i suddenly find myself wanting all the things i told myself no on. Daddy is 41, I'm 34. Still young enough to have more if he wished. Both our youngest s are 14. One turned in the spring.. the other will turn in the fall. I mean.. am i even nuts for suggesting such a thing to myself?!

I don't even know how to bring this desire up to him at all. If he says outright no i will be devastated. If he says maybe and the maybe never happens.. i'll be disappointed - eventually. If he says yes I'll be like... lets start now!!

I don't know how to address it. Will it be one of those... she wants one.. i don't so set her free?! That terrifies me to no end.

His older children both say it would be way cool and ok with them if we did have one (like he needs permission) D14 says it would be sorta cool. (Her father and step mother have been trying for years to conceive. Unfortunately they have not. Infertility is something i would not wish on anyone - not even my worse enemy.) On the drive home we saw a truck filled with stuff. On the top was a toddler bed made of metal. I commented on how cute it was. He smiled and said "yeah and if im crazy enough to tell you we're having another you can get one like that and repaint it" Who says he's crazy because he wants that too?!

.................... I dont know. I wish i could discuss this without this fear of being released..................

~me

hot HOT hot

I find the temps hot that is. Funny.. in FL it was in the upper 90's every single day with uber humidity - and i loved it. I get back home and im dieing and it only reached 80F today. Hummm... strange for sure~

I caved though. I put on the AC and broke out the fan. It's made a dent in the house temp already but honestly - i really don't need it on. It's just nice to have it on. *mental note* i need to buy another bucket to put under the AC. Our landlord does not like it when AC drips onto other people's balconies. Umm... ok...

It's been a productive day all in all. I got the unpacking done. I picked up Casey from the kennels. He got matted up pretty badly because they don't brush them every day. So for now he really is Casey the Rat. That will be his registered name by the way. Casey the Rat - Westie. LOL

I did mum's laundry and folded it and took it back up to her at the long term care home. She announced that she does not like it there. So i called around a bit today to see where she is on the list for the other places. i don't think she would of moved far in a month. But I'll see what i can pull up for her. I honestly think she is going to have to be there for at least another good half year before she moves anywhere on the list.

While away the place she is at called 5 of the 7 days to tell me she fell. Never mind that i specifically gave them the cell number (and Daddy's) for this reason. Never mind i told them that i would be gone a week. They still called the ONE number i have NO access to when I'm not home. To say I'm steamed about it is an understatement. Something Daddy said i can handle tomorrow. Today i had to handle me.

I was SO weepy all day yesterday and about half the day today. To be very honest it was right up until he said No more tears. You're done. And that was that. So far I've been his big girl and not cried at all.

So many cool things happened while we were away. Daddy tanned the arse he owns and good. I still have a huge mark on the one cheek he spanked hard. He and I both were sorta shocked at the mark he left. We looked . ... had this OMG look on our faces then i broke out in a huge grin and hugged him tight saying thank you!!

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around why i love that so much. Most days... i don't even care why. I just know i love it. It gets the cunt he owns dripping wet. After i am SO grounded for days it is - heaven on a stick! So.. know what... who cares why i like it. I just do!

Well I've got to get ready for work in the morning. And finish up my list that daddy gave me to complete tonight.

Ni ni everyone!!!

~me

Safely Home

We have both arrived safely home.

The drive yesterday took from 11am to 530am this morning. Yes. It was a long drive. A VERY long drive. Around 11pm sir told me to go to sleep for a bit. And then it began. Me sleep for an hour or two while he drove. Wake me up. Switch. Me drive for an hour or two while he slept. We did that all the way back.

He spent the day with his boy - and the evening. I drove the rest of the way to my home.

I'm seriously going through withdrawals though. I cried nearly the entire way out of his state. In fact i know i didn't stop crying until i crossed the state border.

I cannot even begin to tell you how perfect the week was - even with its set backs. We had alone time and family time and play time and much relax as a couple and family time. It was SO worth the drive there and back to see us both that relaxed.

I cannot even begin to tell you how much is sucks to be apart - once again - from him.

I want to go home ... and stay there. Not have to come back here. I want my spot EVERY day and night. When ever i want it really.

I want to be able to wake up in the morning and hear his sleepy hi baby.. and my sleep reply back hi daddy.

In time.. i know. But after weeks like this past one... it seems a life time away....


ni ni time for me. Work in the morning.
**muah**

~me

Leaving

Today is the leaving day. Sir didnt sleep much last night so he is still sleeping in the bed. It is nice to hear him resting so well - however i will have to wake him around 830 so we can get started.

It has been an eventfull trip. What was to be a come spend time in the hospital for surgery trip turned into a spend lots and lots of time with the girls trip. It was better then spending time in the hospital by far ... however was costly and fun all at the same time.

I cried last night. Was an accumilation of things really. I dont want to leave the girls. The next time i see the baby she will be big (and talking). I had a good time and loved the HOT hot weather. I dont want to go back to work. I dont want to leave my daddy. All that and my period decided to make a REALLY not needed return (i just got done on Sunday and its back today!)

He let me cry.. dried up my tears - it was really sweet.

So today we go for breakfast.. i go to the ocean.. we stop at the market.. then drive to Gainsville. Stop there.. Then drive to Ky. I spend the night. He goes to his boy's games on Sunday.. i finish my long drive to my house. UGH...

I cant wait till the final stopping spot is the house... be done.. unpack and relax again.

I miss my child, mum and puppy. It will be nice to see them.

Well i better put the laptop away. start putting things in the car then wake daddy to start our busy day.

~me

second last night..

And tonight was the second last evening here.

We had the girls with us for most of the day again today. Tonight we had them for a make shift supper of wings and pizza and pasta salad that daddy made. mmmmmmmm

And when we drove them home to drop them both off at their houses.... i cried silently on the way back.

I dont want to leave.

I dont want to leave them as i feel im making progress in getting to know them better.. and them me.
I dont want to leave because i have to go back to my crumby job that i HATE (oh and Ereline -my boss- IS coming over from India - - joy)
I dont want to leave because that means that tomorrow is our last day here... and that also means i dont have any more days with my daddy left...

The last time i saw my daddy was when we were here in January. It took me a good month to finally settle into my home life....... and i never fully did......

I dont know when i'll see him again.. and that makes me very sad.....

i hate this.....it so sucks

Confused

Well we are still here. Relaxing this morning. Sir is reading his emails.. and going through his sports pages.. what he does everyday. Work has called twice... already today.

I swear im going to pitch that phone out the window soon! It rings nearly non stop right up till 10pm. Grant you there are lulls where its quiet and its good then.

The operation has not happened yet. I just don't understand the medical system here at all. I come from Canada. We go to the dr.. they send us to the specialist.. we get the booking for the operation and its done. Swipe the health card (which is green for my province) and its done.

The operation not only was canceled but because she threw a big fit she was permanently discharged from her primary care physician. I guess the story goes..... she went to her primary care physician - he sent her to a neurologist. This neurologist could not get her in until end August or beginning of September. HE recommended she go to another neurologist so she could get in right away. All the papers were done up. All the pre-op. At 5pm the NIGHT BEFORE the surgery she was called and told that the primary care physician had not authorized the surgery thus... no surgery.

The poor thing threw such a fit at the office that she was later called and told that she had been discharged as a paitient.. so no surgery.. not ever as she had no physician to authorize it.

She has since found another that will authorize it.. she goes on monday to that doctor. We unfortunately still have to go home on Saturday regardless of the surgery date. Sir is sad.. he has no more leave left after this.

So we have been spending the time with the girls. Playing tourist. Having family time. Just having an all over good time. We have been to the outlet mall and the zoo. Many family diners. Many laughs. Hell even cold stone one night taking the big risk of me getting sooo sick afterwards (which never happened im glad to report.)

I have many things for home. I have many prises for the kids. It's all going to be nice.

I'll have more to tell later on......

~me