Play ball??

All the ball season is upon us once again. What? You say ball season like its some sort of hunting expedition... lol. It's not. Its just the season from April to September where Sir is busy EVERY weekend with his boy's ball team. His son does VERY well with ball. I am proud of them both. His boy for playing.. and my sir for making the commitment to bring him to practice twice a week then to games EVERY weekend. Sir does love it. He practically glows through the exhaustion at the end of the day. It is good to see.

I hate trees. Why?! Because they pollinate every spring. Oh how i wish they could go from sticks to full leaves in a day! Right now my allergies are bugging me very badly. I forgot to ask sir if i could take my claritin before he left. GAH. Well ... i'm not dying, nor will i over this. My head just feels..... weird.

Two of my closest friends are pregnant. One has had her little precious bundle sometime between the 20th and 21st. Erika they named her. I helped end the debate between Erika and Erica. My other friend is due around the middle of May.

Odd things have been happening to me though. My baby will be 14 shortly. Sir's baby will be 14 in the fall. But as of late i have been having the most bizzare dreams! Dreams where i am at the ball field and go into labor and have this poor child right in the grass! Dreams where i tell my sir that i am expecting - surprise?! Dreams where we are watching this little girl (its always a girl) go through equestrian trials. Dreams of Christmas' and birthdays and all the special times.

I find myself thinking..oh it would be so nice once again. Those feelings have long since been gone. For many many years in fact. Sir and i have discussed other children and both are content with no more. We can SEE the freedom!! What parent does not dream for this day?! Yet....i have in the last few days nearly got up the nerve to reopen this so long ago closed discussion. What holds me back from asking to talk of it? I know the answer.

But at the back of my thoughts it nags. I'm only 33. Lots of time for healthy babies. You still have lots of life left to give. It will be fun! You've always wanted another. With sir... it will be perfect..

.... i want to tell that nagging little voice to shut up for good...