In a few days time we will be leaving to go to Sir's oldest daughters home. Some 13 hour drive away.
I will leave from my house on Friday afternoon (after lunch with mum and getting my nails done pretty) I will settle in and Sat morning be awoken by his cock in the mouth he owns (omg i love waking like that!) and then off we go.
I'm excited to be going. I get so much alone time with my sir. I get to see the girls. I get to see the baby! But at the same time I'm very worried and apprehensive about the the entire thing.
We are not going for a vacation per say. Although the night time alone will BE a much needed vacation to my so called life here. We are going because his oldest is having brain surgery. He needs to be there he says. And actually i completely agree. Being a parent of two great kids.. i cannot think of a single place id be but beside their bed for something like this. I mean.. its not like she's getting her broken arm reset (not saying that its not important - it is - just how often do you hear of death as a complication to that?!)
I'm worried that i may of changed shape since he last saw me and he will not like it or me any longer. I'm worried that i wont meet his expectations. He has said 'don't disappoint me.' For whatever reason i find myself defeated before i have even begun. Could be the old crap from my past bubbling up. As for my shape.. the scale says I've not gained any more. Grant you i've not lost any either.
I have found me standing in front of the mirror.. scrutinizing my image. This is too big.. this is too small... He has an unbelievable way of making me feel like a super model. THAT alone i cannot wait for when i feel so miserable about me. I KNOW my self image issues come from ALL my past. We're working on it.
Im just worried i wont meet his expectations. I worried that i will disappoint him and i will no longer be his. The prospect of being set free is absoultely terrifying, anxioity attack, sort of thing to me.
I've told sir that i desire a person who lives near me that lives the lifestyle that we do. That i can call up and go for coffee.. discuss our issues.. or accomplishments.. or feeling.. or swap ideas! He said that in time i will have that. I long for that NOW. I do not dare ask to go to the bdsm meets. I am not looking for a Dom/Master... "I've already got one!" (in the outrageous french accent!) It would be lovely to know that these feelings ... well .. that others have had them too.
I'm looking forward to the alone times. I have said.. and he has said as well.. i want to be used so that i hurt the next day! I have no doubt in my mind that that will occur often. He has also said other things that will happen. Being spanked till i cry - which as of yet for some bizzare reason i just dont cry. I was the same as a child. I would be silent.. not saying one word.. nor shed one tear. Sir said that will change. Like it was some unsaid challenge! heheh maybe it is? He said he WILL use the ass he owns... which to me is both exciting and .. "your gonna do what?!"
I am sure its just me twisting this way out of proportions.. but still they are my feelings..and they are real....
God it would be nice to have a coffee buddy that i can share this with.......sometimes the world seems so big and lonely.....
~me
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Weekends are for...
... house work, errands and advance packing! Or at least that is what is happening to my weekend! OH.. and add painting!
I'm still in the process of painting D14's room. I started the top half last night. I opened the can and it was BLOOD red. And i thought... omg.. sir's gonna kill me! But he didn't.. he said it actually is coming along well and cannot wait to see what it looks like when done! Its dark gray on the bottom.. and hopefully a dark burgundy on the top after another coat! The middle will have a light gray border with Japanese words going along it!
After its done.. sometime next year the way this paint is drying... all of D14's things go BACK into the room and the mess will be complete and gone. Woot! I'm so excited for that!!
Today should mostly be running around. The typical crap.. library, a bit of groceries that sort of stuff. I go see mum around dinner time to sit with her for a bit. Sometime this afternoon i'll paint the wall again. i HOPE it only needs one more coat! Tonight i will do a bit of laundry. Just not a rushed day at all. Which is nice for a change.
Sir will be out all day with S13. Ball weekended. I cannot wait for high school. In the fall there will be no more weekends of ball.. Thankfully! Then sir and I can spend some relax time on the weekends.
Well i think im gonna go off to paint some. Get my day started. Then i can go to the store and get my coffee stuff.
Toddles yous!
~me
I'm still in the process of painting D14's room. I started the top half last night. I opened the can and it was BLOOD red. And i thought... omg.. sir's gonna kill me! But he didn't.. he said it actually is coming along well and cannot wait to see what it looks like when done! Its dark gray on the bottom.. and hopefully a dark burgundy on the top after another coat! The middle will have a light gray border with Japanese words going along it!
After its done.. sometime next year the way this paint is drying... all of D14's things go BACK into the room and the mess will be complete and gone. Woot! I'm so excited for that!!
Today should mostly be running around. The typical crap.. library, a bit of groceries that sort of stuff. I go see mum around dinner time to sit with her for a bit. Sometime this afternoon i'll paint the wall again. i HOPE it only needs one more coat! Tonight i will do a bit of laundry. Just not a rushed day at all. Which is nice for a change.
Sir will be out all day with S13. Ball weekended. I cannot wait for high school. In the fall there will be no more weekends of ball.. Thankfully! Then sir and I can spend some relax time on the weekends.
Well i think im gonna go off to paint some. Get my day started. Then i can go to the store and get my coffee stuff.
Toddles yous!
~me
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Some of the
... best things are the little things that happen throughout the week that just make me smile...
Like when he hums me to sleep - works better then Nytoll guaranteed!
Like when he idly plays with my hair as we're snuggled on the sofa watching tv. Me in my spot between his legs.. him on his back. I honestly think every single time that happens, ever so contently, 'Can it get any better then this?!'
Like when he says "you know.. i kinda like you. But i love you much more". I know that he has told me that love does not have to happen when someone is owned.. but it sure makes things nice!
Like how he holds my hand tight when we're in crowded places. He knows i don't like big crowds and him holding tight is just the perfect grounding i need in that instance.
Like how he will pull me close and hug me tight and kiss the top of my head. Sometimes the hight difference is simply grand!
Like when he brings me strawberries when he's out without me. Forget flowers.. those win out ANY day!
Like how he will brush out my tangles for hours and hours.. taking great care never to pull.
... like today how he tells me not only do i love you but im insanely IN love with you. -Awwwww
My sir is a softie at heart!
Emails like this one:
"No matter what happens in life, know the following:
You are loved each day you open your eyes
You are needed as much as i need air to breathe
Your grounding is needed, makes you content
You know what you were born for, and finally found it
You grow and shine each day, making your life finally worth meaning
And i love my most precious gift, I hold only second in my life to my children"
*smiles*
In a few days time we will be taking a very long drive. We will go see his daughters for his oldest is having brain surgery. I am looking forward to the drive and the time alone with him during it. As well as the alone time in the evening hours. I do not, however like the reason why we are going.
Things here are settling in. Getting to some shade of normal. I am sure in a few weeks it will be ok.
My boss at work is being stupid again. Doing her 'your not doing your job' thing to me again. This time i have the HEAD boss backing my position up. I am sure tomorrow when i go in i will be in for a blast from hell! But sir said something really good today. He said.. I'm very glad to see i taught you well. Now... don't back down on your position. You are right - don't give it away.
Thing is.. i think she's trying to prove me incompetent so she can get her work papers to come back here. (she is from India) Thing is... I've been doing this job longer then she has. So - bring it on tough girl! I said to sir.. would it not be outrageous if i go on stress leave or maternity leave? They would HAVE to by law hold my position thus meaning not only can she not come over because I'm still technically employed but she will also have to do all the work i do for her everyday!! I laughed.. so did he.
I can be so evil sometimes... but im not going on leave (of any sort) anytime soon. Well no that is not entirely true. I will be going away with sir for a week. I have NO intention on telling her. HR knows as does my direct supervisor here. So... she can eat crap!
mmoooahahahahhahahah
:)
~me
Like when he hums me to sleep - works better then Nytoll guaranteed!
Like when he idly plays with my hair as we're snuggled on the sofa watching tv. Me in my spot between his legs.. him on his back. I honestly think every single time that happens, ever so contently, 'Can it get any better then this?!'
Like when he says "you know.. i kinda like you. But i love you much more". I know that he has told me that love does not have to happen when someone is owned.. but it sure makes things nice!
Like how he holds my hand tight when we're in crowded places. He knows i don't like big crowds and him holding tight is just the perfect grounding i need in that instance.
Like how he will pull me close and hug me tight and kiss the top of my head. Sometimes the hight difference is simply grand!
Like when he brings me strawberries when he's out without me. Forget flowers.. those win out ANY day!
Like how he will brush out my tangles for hours and hours.. taking great care never to pull.
... like today how he tells me not only do i love you but im insanely IN love with you. -Awwwww
My sir is a softie at heart!
Emails like this one:
"No matter what happens in life, know the following:
You are loved each day you open your eyes
You are needed as much as i need air to breathe
Your grounding is needed, makes you content
You know what you were born for, and finally found it
You grow and shine each day, making your life finally worth meaning
And i love my most precious gift, I hold only second in my life to my children"
*smiles*
In a few days time we will be taking a very long drive. We will go see his daughters for his oldest is having brain surgery. I am looking forward to the drive and the time alone with him during it. As well as the alone time in the evening hours. I do not, however like the reason why we are going.
Things here are settling in. Getting to some shade of normal. I am sure in a few weeks it will be ok.
My boss at work is being stupid again. Doing her 'your not doing your job' thing to me again. This time i have the HEAD boss backing my position up. I am sure tomorrow when i go in i will be in for a blast from hell! But sir said something really good today. He said.. I'm very glad to see i taught you well. Now... don't back down on your position. You are right - don't give it away.
Thing is.. i think she's trying to prove me incompetent so she can get her work papers to come back here. (she is from India) Thing is... I've been doing this job longer then she has. So - bring it on tough girl! I said to sir.. would it not be outrageous if i go on stress leave or maternity leave? They would HAVE to by law hold my position thus meaning not only can she not come over because I'm still technically employed but she will also have to do all the work i do for her everyday!! I laughed.. so did he.
I can be so evil sometimes... but im not going on leave (of any sort) anytime soon. Well no that is not entirely true. I will be going away with sir for a week. I have NO intention on telling her. HR knows as does my direct supervisor here. So... she can eat crap!
mmoooahahahahhahahah
:)
~me
Friday, May 18, 2007
Almost a week.
Well its been almost a week since mum has gone to long term care (nursing home)
It's been wild crazy busy!
My morning routine has added brining mum coffee and her paper EVERY morning. RIGHT after work i go see her until she kicks me out. Every night eating dinner around 830 / 9pm.. mostly alone. Tonight is no exception.
Consequently my house looks like a bomb went off in it! You know that moving dirty look? Ya.. well it still has it.
I'm DEAD exhausted. I finally slept like a baby last night. Daddy let me play with the toys he got me and ooooo i played!!
I also hurt my back something awful. Tonight daddy told me to either find the heating pad or go get another one. I bought another. The one that is misplaced was old as dirt anyway.
I'm in the process of doing mum's laundry - did i say that already?? - and eating. Should be a quiet night.
Tomorrow is D14's birthday party. She has babysitting classes from 930am to 430pm. Then i go get her and her friend. They decorate and everyone comes over from 5pm to 9pm. I shoo them all out THEN give Seera her special present. I got her a daughter's pride ring. She will love it. *nods*
Well im going to finish eating and get started folding this laundry.
Im just alive and semi well. Nothing more new to report here..
OH.. wait.. yes there is..
In 14 days daddy and i take a LOOOONNGGG road trip to see his oldest. We will be gone for a week. We'll see her a bit before the surgery.. and lots after. Brain surgery is scary. Im looking forward to the time with my daddy and the girls. Just not for the reason we are going down for.
With all the events as of late.. my eating is WAY out of wack.. so is my metabolism.. I've gained what feels like a zillion pounds. Maybe now, since i wont have to worry over mum.. i can go back to going to the gym??
We'll see......
toodles everyone!
It's been wild crazy busy!
My morning routine has added brining mum coffee and her paper EVERY morning. RIGHT after work i go see her until she kicks me out. Every night eating dinner around 830 / 9pm.. mostly alone. Tonight is no exception.
Consequently my house looks like a bomb went off in it! You know that moving dirty look? Ya.. well it still has it.
I'm DEAD exhausted. I finally slept like a baby last night. Daddy let me play with the toys he got me and ooooo i played!!
I also hurt my back something awful. Tonight daddy told me to either find the heating pad or go get another one. I bought another. The one that is misplaced was old as dirt anyway.
I'm in the process of doing mum's laundry - did i say that already?? - and eating. Should be a quiet night.
Tomorrow is D14's birthday party. She has babysitting classes from 930am to 430pm. Then i go get her and her friend. They decorate and everyone comes over from 5pm to 9pm. I shoo them all out THEN give Seera her special present. I got her a daughter's pride ring. She will love it. *nods*
Well im going to finish eating and get started folding this laundry.
Im just alive and semi well. Nothing more new to report here..
OH.. wait.. yes there is..
In 14 days daddy and i take a LOOOONNGGG road trip to see his oldest. We will be gone for a week. We'll see her a bit before the surgery.. and lots after. Brain surgery is scary. Im looking forward to the time with my daddy and the girls. Just not for the reason we are going down for.
With all the events as of late.. my eating is WAY out of wack.. so is my metabolism.. I've gained what feels like a zillion pounds. Maybe now, since i wont have to worry over mum.. i can go back to going to the gym??
We'll see......
toodles everyone!
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Mom's Day
HAPPY MOM'S DAY!!!!
Its been HOLY COW busy today...
However...
Mum is mostly in her room. Tomorrow is the last two or three boxes and her bed. Go bring S17 to school some 25 min away. Come back pick up mum and bring her there. Go to work for 1pm till 3ish. Come back home pick up D14 (tomorrow is her birthday WOOT!!) Go print a photo right quick.. go pick up mum for dinner out and Walmart. Come home fall into a coma.
It's been a good day.
My daughter got me a fushia tree for my work. Its pretty.. and PINK!
My son got me pretty ankle braceltes! (i loves those)
Mum got her flowers - tomorrow we go pick out her phone for her mom's day gift from me.
Tonight i went to work to pull and compile the reports that go out Monday morning. They are done and sent. I gathered up my work for the other building so all i have to do is go there and im all set for that meeting.
Sir talked to me many times today. Keeping me from the OMG panic mode to just do what i tell you to do. It was easier that way.
Tonight... he sang to me. *big smiles* First time he did that .. i hope he never stops. Nearly had me crying on the spot! It was so very very sweet.. and JUST what i needed.
Goodnight sweetheart, well it's time to go,
I hate to leave you but I really must say,
Goodnight sweetheart, goodnight.
and he said ever so sweetly - goodnight my precious litttleone.
*smiles*
Goodnight my Sir.
*blows kisses*
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Upcoming moves...
Today i went to measure the room along with the whole other running around that HAD to be complete by 3pm.
I am happy to report that my errands took me to 315 but i was still on time!! woot!!
Mum is in a different room then what they showed us. However - this is a good thing. There is room for her quilt rack in this one - even for queen sized quilts! I will look for a more narrow frame for her regardless.... she can use an good update on that product..
I think i saw one on Ebay that may fit her room nicely.
I still don't feel any better about it. But at this point there is nothing i can do. Her home care has been canceled as of Monday. It sorta feels like that apprehension you get when your baby goes to school... or the first day of high school.
Sir did say on Friday when i found out i SOUNDED relieved... 110% better. I don't feel it though. Not at all.
I got mum's entire room packed up and ready to go but for the items she is using. I put away her valuables in a MARKED box for her. I don't think she wants those there. All her photos are down and packed. All that is left is her bath stuff and whatever she need to take from the living room. That should not take too long at all!
We should find out about his daughter on Monday sometime. When her surgery date is. If there is anyone up there listening.. the weekend of the 19th is booked up for D13's 14th birthday party... pllleeassee not then..... D13 needs me here.. she needs me there. I cannot be in two places at once. I found out i can get up to 10 days emergency leave off.. PLUS my 10 days vacation if i need it. Which i wont.
I just need to know when.
I have to finish making D14's (or soon to be) Kimono. I just have the obi left.. but its been soo crazy busy! I may start with it on Tuesday night. Just to stop me from thinking of mum NOT being here any longer.
All in all its been a productive day. Busy as hell but productive.
I am happy to report that my errands took me to 315 but i was still on time!! woot!!
Mum is in a different room then what they showed us. However - this is a good thing. There is room for her quilt rack in this one - even for queen sized quilts! I will look for a more narrow frame for her regardless.... she can use an good update on that product..
I think i saw one on Ebay that may fit her room nicely.
I still don't feel any better about it. But at this point there is nothing i can do. Her home care has been canceled as of Monday. It sorta feels like that apprehension you get when your baby goes to school... or the first day of high school.
Sir did say on Friday when i found out i SOUNDED relieved... 110% better. I don't feel it though. Not at all.
I got mum's entire room packed up and ready to go but for the items she is using. I put away her valuables in a MARKED box for her. I don't think she wants those there. All her photos are down and packed. All that is left is her bath stuff and whatever she need to take from the living room. That should not take too long at all!
We should find out about his daughter on Monday sometime. When her surgery date is. If there is anyone up there listening.. the weekend of the 19th is booked up for D13's 14th birthday party... pllleeassee not then..... D13 needs me here.. she needs me there. I cannot be in two places at once. I found out i can get up to 10 days emergency leave off.. PLUS my 10 days vacation if i need it. Which i wont.
I just need to know when.
I have to finish making D14's (or soon to be) Kimono. I just have the obi left.. but its been soo crazy busy! I may start with it on Tuesday night. Just to stop me from thinking of mum NOT being here any longer.
All in all its been a productive day. Busy as hell but productive.
Friday, May 11, 2007
Moving Weekend
Mum's official move in date will be Monday. However we are allowed to bring everythign we wish this weekend EXCEPT her and the bed.
She has to be 'admitted' into the facility. The bed has to be inspected to make sure its mechanically sound.
So this weekend is full up suddenly.
Sat - i have to have her pack up what she wants and start load by load to bring it over. I'm thinking for mother's day i will get her one of those closet things that makes it nice and neat. Tonight she purchased a safe so she can keep her purse and valuables locked up inside it.
I also have to get D14's birthday party supplies and go to Michaels for flowers. I cant remember what else needed to be done. Start moving is the main thing. With only Me and D14 it should be tough but do-able.
Sun- i have to go pick up S17 for the day. Maybe he can help move some things over like the dresser. That is the heaviest thing! I have to go to work for about 2.5 hours to pull reports for Monday morning. I also have to come home shower up and get ready to go for dinner at 430 with mum and her guy friend and the kids. After dinner i have to bring mum home. Settle her in and then drive to bring S17 home an hour away. Come home fall into a coma.
Mon - go to work. Start sending out all my reports one by one. Start my work. Work there till 930 then come home to get mum. Put mum in the van - bring her back downtown and admit her. IF i can find someone to come get the bed GREAT bed goes with her at the same time! If not i will have to take another trip to get the bed somehow! I have to go back to work for 2pm for a meeting then i can go away for the rest of the day. Settle mum in - whatever.
Tue - die from exhaustion!
NO fun for me this weekend. Im still not looking forward to it at all.
~me
She has to be 'admitted' into the facility. The bed has to be inspected to make sure its mechanically sound.
So this weekend is full up suddenly.
Sat - i have to have her pack up what she wants and start load by load to bring it over. I'm thinking for mother's day i will get her one of those closet things that makes it nice and neat. Tonight she purchased a safe so she can keep her purse and valuables locked up inside it.
I also have to get D14's birthday party supplies and go to Michaels for flowers. I cant remember what else needed to be done. Start moving is the main thing. With only Me and D14 it should be tough but do-able.
Sun- i have to go pick up S17 for the day. Maybe he can help move some things over like the dresser. That is the heaviest thing! I have to go to work for about 2.5 hours to pull reports for Monday morning. I also have to come home shower up and get ready to go for dinner at 430 with mum and her guy friend and the kids. After dinner i have to bring mum home. Settle her in and then drive to bring S17 home an hour away. Come home fall into a coma.
Mon - go to work. Start sending out all my reports one by one. Start my work. Work there till 930 then come home to get mum. Put mum in the van - bring her back downtown and admit her. IF i can find someone to come get the bed GREAT bed goes with her at the same time! If not i will have to take another trip to get the bed somehow! I have to go back to work for 2pm for a meeting then i can go away for the rest of the day. Settle mum in - whatever.
Tue - die from exhaustion!
NO fun for me this weekend. Im still not looking forward to it at all.
~me
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Tings
Well that didn't take my boss long to figure out. Now i have to come up with a better plan brain....
You see my boss knows i leave at 4pm every day. This is to one take care of mum and two because i am no longer allowed to work more then 8.5 hours a day (company rules - not mine) So for the past 5 working days she emails me at 3.45pm and loads a pile of paperwork on my desk. Grant you i don't get to the paperwork until the next morning but still she tries to shove it on my desk.
Well today she CALLED at 3.45pm and gave me a pile of stuff to day. Grant you... it's still sitting on my desk until tomorrow morning but still. It only took her 5 days to catch onto that!
Ill think of something new to torment her with... like wandering away from my desk at 330 and not returning until 4pm to log out and leave! :P
Tonight i dropped my beastie off at the mechanics. It gets looked at tomorrow. Hopefully to fix my driver's side window once and for all. They are also going to check the brakes and exhaust system. HOPEFULLY it does not cost me my first born to get it all fixed up. I cannot afford to loose him anymore! I love my car... i really truly do! But i can say this.. never buy a 95 VW Cabrio unless your prepared to give away your first born! Sure they hold their value. It runs like a top.... however... when it needs to be repaired. *shakes head* I have been told it was the LAST year that VW Cabrio's were made in GERMANY. Yes.. thats right.. all my parts are IMPORTED. ouch.
No word from Sir's oldest on surgery dates. Today we were suppose to find out. She may call tonight. No word on my mother's placement into LTC (long term care) I will hopefully find out tomorrow about when. It's looking like next week since they do not do Intakes on the weekends. All i have to say is i'd like her placed before we drive down for the surgery. I want to know she's SAFE when I'm away.
Tonight - at 830pm - i go to get my nunu waxed all clean for Sir. I like this spa because they have WAY late hours so they can accommodate my schedule and they don't cost me a fortune. However the job they do is CRAP! Before we go away - which is expected to be in 3 weeks time i will go to the GOOD spa and get it done right. This spa does not take the time to go INSIDE the labia and get all the fur from in there. I don't mind going to the spa to get this done. Been doing it for ..oh i don't know... 7 to 8 years. It hardly hurts anymore. Its just i HATE finding a good one. I miss the gal in my old city. Now there was a gal who could appreciate the statement " i want to be clean and don't break the hairs!" And i'd be clean for a good two weeks! This place.. im lucky for 4 days.
Lol its the pre clean up! ya thats it!!!
Woo hooo look out nunu your gonna get all clean.
And as they say.. Wax on............... Wax off !! rrrriiippppp!
~me
You see my boss knows i leave at 4pm every day. This is to one take care of mum and two because i am no longer allowed to work more then 8.5 hours a day (company rules - not mine) So for the past 5 working days she emails me at 3.45pm and loads a pile of paperwork on my desk. Grant you i don't get to the paperwork until the next morning but still she tries to shove it on my desk.
Well today she CALLED at 3.45pm and gave me a pile of stuff to day. Grant you... it's still sitting on my desk until tomorrow morning but still. It only took her 5 days to catch onto that!
Ill think of something new to torment her with... like wandering away from my desk at 330 and not returning until 4pm to log out and leave! :P
Tonight i dropped my beastie off at the mechanics. It gets looked at tomorrow. Hopefully to fix my driver's side window once and for all. They are also going to check the brakes and exhaust system. HOPEFULLY it does not cost me my first born to get it all fixed up. I cannot afford to loose him anymore! I love my car... i really truly do! But i can say this.. never buy a 95 VW Cabrio unless your prepared to give away your first born! Sure they hold their value. It runs like a top.... however... when it needs to be repaired. *shakes head* I have been told it was the LAST year that VW Cabrio's were made in GERMANY. Yes.. thats right.. all my parts are IMPORTED. ouch.
No word from Sir's oldest on surgery dates. Today we were suppose to find out. She may call tonight. No word on my mother's placement into LTC (long term care) I will hopefully find out tomorrow about when. It's looking like next week since they do not do Intakes on the weekends. All i have to say is i'd like her placed before we drive down for the surgery. I want to know she's SAFE when I'm away.
Tonight - at 830pm - i go to get my nunu waxed all clean for Sir. I like this spa because they have WAY late hours so they can accommodate my schedule and they don't cost me a fortune. However the job they do is CRAP! Before we go away - which is expected to be in 3 weeks time i will go to the GOOD spa and get it done right. This spa does not take the time to go INSIDE the labia and get all the fur from in there. I don't mind going to the spa to get this done. Been doing it for ..oh i don't know... 7 to 8 years. It hardly hurts anymore. Its just i HATE finding a good one. I miss the gal in my old city. Now there was a gal who could appreciate the statement " i want to be clean and don't break the hairs!" And i'd be clean for a good two weeks! This place.. im lucky for 4 days.
Lol its the pre clean up! ya thats it!!!
Woo hooo look out nunu your gonna get all clean.
And as they say.. Wax on............... Wax off !! rrrriiippppp!
~me
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Talks and Laughter
So we had the talk. It was not so bad. I merely asked if she wished to come out. She does - like yesterday. She claims things are not well with her mom. They have not been for awhile.
I asked if she knew that things were not going to be the same with her father. She said ya but i'll work on him. (Ha! I'd like to see that one!) I told her that she would not have the many luxuries that she has now. Basically at 18 she runs that household over there. Mom decided to be her friend instead of a mother. She does what she wants when she wants to - period. Sir will NEVER stand for that in his own house. When there i could just see the teeth cut marks in his tongue from biting it so hard!
I advised that she should try to work things through with her mom - which she insists is impossible. Nothing is ever impossible. I advised it is bad to leave on bad terms. Far better to leave on happier ones. That there are things to consider - medical coverage, jobs, where she is to stay and for how long.
She asked if her father had EVER said to me that he didn't want her around. And i honestly told her - that we have discussed her moving out with us before. And we re-discussed it after we came back from visiting with them. And we re-discussed it again yesterday. Never EVER once had he said he didn't want her there. In fact he very much wants her near. He has, however, said that right now is not the best time for moving. That the fall would be better as things will be much more settled by then. She seemed relieved at this.
In the end she was firm that she is coming back with us after her older sister's brain surgery. I was equally firm that she needs to discuss with her father FULLY before making any serious plans on this. That i will support whatever her father decides fully. That if he says no - then its no and i will not go back at her insistence to try to 'work on him' to change his mind. That i would love her to be with us, however that it is a decision that her father will make.
In the end i discovered - OMG she is as stubborn as the day is long!!
Then she went on to tell me of her two new piercings she got done. One in the tongue one in the clit. OMG the description of her clit piercing nearly made me fall over! Grant you i was laughing so very hard a the same time so it was not so bad. She told me that she was screaming so loud that people in the shop were leaving! I was soooo laughing!! And when i could finally breathe all i could say was.. Well, you cured me from EVER asking if i could get one of those!!
:)
We're still talking. Things so far are still more then well between us despite the fact that i spoke to her of her moving!
I asked if she knew that things were not going to be the same with her father. She said ya but i'll work on him. (Ha! I'd like to see that one!) I told her that she would not have the many luxuries that she has now. Basically at 18 she runs that household over there. Mom decided to be her friend instead of a mother. She does what she wants when she wants to - period. Sir will NEVER stand for that in his own house. When there i could just see the teeth cut marks in his tongue from biting it so hard!
I advised that she should try to work things through with her mom - which she insists is impossible. Nothing is ever impossible. I advised it is bad to leave on bad terms. Far better to leave on happier ones. That there are things to consider - medical coverage, jobs, where she is to stay and for how long.
She asked if her father had EVER said to me that he didn't want her around. And i honestly told her - that we have discussed her moving out with us before. And we re-discussed it after we came back from visiting with them. And we re-discussed it again yesterday. Never EVER once had he said he didn't want her there. In fact he very much wants her near. He has, however, said that right now is not the best time for moving. That the fall would be better as things will be much more settled by then. She seemed relieved at this.
In the end she was firm that she is coming back with us after her older sister's brain surgery. I was equally firm that she needs to discuss with her father FULLY before making any serious plans on this. That i will support whatever her father decides fully. That if he says no - then its no and i will not go back at her insistence to try to 'work on him' to change his mind. That i would love her to be with us, however that it is a decision that her father will make.
In the end i discovered - OMG she is as stubborn as the day is long!!
Then she went on to tell me of her two new piercings she got done. One in the tongue one in the clit. OMG the description of her clit piercing nearly made me fall over! Grant you i was laughing so very hard a the same time so it was not so bad. She told me that she was screaming so loud that people in the shop were leaving! I was soooo laughing!! And when i could finally breathe all i could say was.. Well, you cured me from EVER asking if i could get one of those!!
:)
We're still talking. Things so far are still more then well between us despite the fact that i spoke to her of her moving!
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Not Fair
Today Sir's middle child announced to him that she wishes to come back with us when we go home from her place after her sisters surgery.
A matter of a few weeks time she wishes to come move in.
Sir said he wishes me to call and talk her out of coming. That things are just now in the process of being settled. That he does not want to sound like the big meanie saying no, not right now. Before I could even think about it out came "So you want me to sound like the meanie?!" He told me no its just that he does not want her angry with him for giving her 'an excuse' when it's the truth. He does want her down just now isn't the time. I didn't say anything for a long bit. He said.. hello? And i asked.."So you would rather her hate me for getting in the way of her moving in?"
End story... I'm to call and discuss with her why now is not such a good time and perhaps we can re discuss this in the fall.
Thing is.. i love her to pieces. We had such a good visit. Now he wants me to tell her this after only meeting her once?!
I'm sorry.. and i know its wrong.. but i feel like I'm being put in the middle. I'm sorry if i don't want to be hated for the gal who got in the way of me moving to dad's. Why is not right now coming from her father not good enough? Being told no from him for me ONCE is good enough.
All this because her mom is on her case about doing something during the day hours instead of sitting around the house all day long. She's 18... she SHOULD be doing something during the day. Her mom isn't picky about what... just something to occupy her time. And because they are fighting she wants to move up.
UGH
This is SO not gonna be nice. I'm not looking forward to it at all....
~me
A matter of a few weeks time she wishes to come move in.
Sir said he wishes me to call and talk her out of coming. That things are just now in the process of being settled. That he does not want to sound like the big meanie saying no, not right now. Before I could even think about it out came "So you want me to sound like the meanie?!" He told me no its just that he does not want her angry with him for giving her 'an excuse' when it's the truth. He does want her down just now isn't the time. I didn't say anything for a long bit. He said.. hello? And i asked.."So you would rather her hate me for getting in the way of her moving in?"
End story... I'm to call and discuss with her why now is not such a good time and perhaps we can re discuss this in the fall.
Thing is.. i love her to pieces. We had such a good visit. Now he wants me to tell her this after only meeting her once?!
I'm sorry.. and i know its wrong.. but i feel like I'm being put in the middle. I'm sorry if i don't want to be hated for the gal who got in the way of me moving to dad's. Why is not right now coming from her father not good enough? Being told no from him for me ONCE is good enough.
All this because her mom is on her case about doing something during the day hours instead of sitting around the house all day long. She's 18... she SHOULD be doing something during the day. Her mom isn't picky about what... just something to occupy her time. And because they are fighting she wants to move up.
UGH
This is SO not gonna be nice. I'm not looking forward to it at all....
~me
Friday, May 04, 2007
Weekend
I still feel like i have to go to work tomorrow.
But its Saturday - i wont have to. But i do have plans tomorrow. I have to get the car an oil change in advance prep for its long drive. I have to bring mum to the long term care facility that she will be living at from now on (im still not too sure how i feel on this whole move thing) I also have to go get the kennel papers for Casey so i can have them pre-filled out.
Other then that it should be an ok day. Not much filling it up.
Hopefully it stays that way.
Im just sorta numb with the happenings of late. Lots of changes going on.. a couple of them MASSIVE. This littleone does not deal with change all that well at all.
It will be interesting what happens in the weeks to come.
But its Saturday - i wont have to. But i do have plans tomorrow. I have to get the car an oil change in advance prep for its long drive. I have to bring mum to the long term care facility that she will be living at from now on (im still not too sure how i feel on this whole move thing) I also have to go get the kennel papers for Casey so i can have them pre-filled out.
Other then that it should be an ok day. Not much filling it up.
Hopefully it stays that way.
Im just sorta numb with the happenings of late. Lots of changes going on.. a couple of them MASSIVE. This littleone does not deal with change all that well at all.
It will be interesting what happens in the weeks to come.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Updates of sorts
The doctors checked the baby out throughly.. there was no penetration just rubbing.. No one fessed up to it... so no charges are being laid. Stupid but true. Am i disappointed.. your darn right i am. It's wrong weather there was penetration or not! But at this point there isn't anything that can be done.
Add to this that the baby's momma found out today why she has been getting SEVER migranes. It appears that the back of her brain is collapsing. In the next few days we may be making an emergency drive to her state. The wish to do brain surgery with her to put a 'bridge' in her skull to hold her brain up. Possible coma/ death/ paralysis/ memory loss.... etc with the surgery. If she does not get all those things are certain to happen In fact her one side is already starting to go numb. I guess its some condition that she was born with that got aggravated when she had the baby. Sir is taking it well. This is his oldest. He's just in advance planning mode...
Add to this that i think i may of found mum a nice place to stay safely. I was told today that if the paperwork is submitted shortly it can be as short as next weekend that she moves there. I'm SO not ready for that. I still feel guilty. Sometimes i feel relieved that I'm finally going to get some help and she will be safe.. then i feel guilty once again.. only worse.
Add to this i filled out my taxes tonight. I discovered that all my tax info has been going to my old residence where the abusive prick lives still. Needless to say I'm panicked that he will receive some information regarding my new where abouts and come find me. I hope he does not. I will try to call the govt tomorrow and see what i can do. It does appear that my humongo bill with them will be paid off and i may even see money back. How nice..... one more bill gone. Good cause i will need all the funds i can get coming into this house to survive.
Add to this that I'm finally getting caught up at work... only to discover that it's Friday.... so much for that! lol
But ya know what.... its next to the weekend.. where i can get caught up here.. and rest and all will be right in the world once again!
yay!!!
~me
Add to this that the baby's momma found out today why she has been getting SEVER migranes. It appears that the back of her brain is collapsing. In the next few days we may be making an emergency drive to her state. The wish to do brain surgery with her to put a 'bridge' in her skull to hold her brain up. Possible coma/ death/ paralysis/ memory loss.... etc with the surgery. If she does not get all those things are certain to happen In fact her one side is already starting to go numb. I guess its some condition that she was born with that got aggravated when she had the baby. Sir is taking it well. This is his oldest. He's just in advance planning mode...
Add to this that i think i may of found mum a nice place to stay safely. I was told today that if the paperwork is submitted shortly it can be as short as next weekend that she moves there. I'm SO not ready for that. I still feel guilty. Sometimes i feel relieved that I'm finally going to get some help and she will be safe.. then i feel guilty once again.. only worse.
Add to this i filled out my taxes tonight. I discovered that all my tax info has been going to my old residence where the abusive prick lives still. Needless to say I'm panicked that he will receive some information regarding my new where abouts and come find me. I hope he does not. I will try to call the govt tomorrow and see what i can do. It does appear that my humongo bill with them will be paid off and i may even see money back. How nice..... one more bill gone. Good cause i will need all the funds i can get coming into this house to survive.
Add to this that I'm finally getting caught up at work... only to discover that it's Friday.... so much for that! lol
But ya know what.... its next to the weekend.. where i can get caught up here.. and rest and all will be right in the world once again!
yay!!!
~me
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Things rolling around....
Sir has a wee grand baby. She recently turned one. Such an absolute doll she is. She was born way way early so she is still super tiny for her age. Cute as a button and im always saying to sir that we can take her in the summer for months - right? :)
Anyway a few months back her momma kicked the daddy to the curb. She found out by way of the other contacting her directly, that he had a girlfriend. And had had her for quite awhile. Like WAY before the baby was even born!
So back and forth they have been going with the visitation thing. Which, by the way, seems so normal these days its unreal!
The baby came back from visiting her father this past weekend and her momma changed her diaper like normal. Well apparently the child freaked out. Her momma noticed that her vagina was red and sore looking and oddly open - like she could see INSIDE it - for a 1 year old.
Smart cookie called the dr and brought her in. Which lead to the Child protection agency being called... some sort of specialists and the police.... Long story short.. after many people examine her. All of which professionals in the field... it was concluded that the baby was sexually assaulted.
I nearly died when sir told me this. She's freaking 1 years old for crying out loud! Adult penis DO NOT fit in baby vagina's. PERIOD!!
Sir had said that physically beyond irritation to the area she is not hurt. All organs are well an no inflammation of them at all. That thankfully (which is good) she most likely will never remember it unless her momma constantly brings it up. Which i doubt she will do.
Sir told me when i was out shopping. I can tell you the urge to go slap whoever did this around is STILL very strong. Sir is very much the protector of his family and is handling this very well. Patiently awaiting. Watching and listening.
Right now lots of people have been interviewed by the authorities. All those where she lives who have contact with the baby that day have been cleared from her side of the family. We're waiting. Thing is we may never know WHO did it. The baby cant talk.. and if the person who did it tells a convincing story.. well....
Right now she has been instructed that the baby stays with NO ONE but her. Which screws up her night classes.. but in the long run its for the better.
....
I still want to drive down there and find who did it and ...... do something!
*grumbles*
~me
Anyway a few months back her momma kicked the daddy to the curb. She found out by way of the other contacting her directly, that he had a girlfriend. And had had her for quite awhile. Like WAY before the baby was even born!
So back and forth they have been going with the visitation thing. Which, by the way, seems so normal these days its unreal!
The baby came back from visiting her father this past weekend and her momma changed her diaper like normal. Well apparently the child freaked out. Her momma noticed that her vagina was red and sore looking and oddly open - like she could see INSIDE it - for a 1 year old.
Smart cookie called the dr and brought her in. Which lead to the Child protection agency being called... some sort of specialists and the police.... Long story short.. after many people examine her. All of which professionals in the field... it was concluded that the baby was sexually assaulted.
I nearly died when sir told me this. She's freaking 1 years old for crying out loud! Adult penis DO NOT fit in baby vagina's. PERIOD!!
Sir had said that physically beyond irritation to the area she is not hurt. All organs are well an no inflammation of them at all. That thankfully (which is good) she most likely will never remember it unless her momma constantly brings it up. Which i doubt she will do.
Sir told me when i was out shopping. I can tell you the urge to go slap whoever did this around is STILL very strong. Sir is very much the protector of his family and is handling this very well. Patiently awaiting. Watching and listening.
Right now lots of people have been interviewed by the authorities. All those where she lives who have contact with the baby that day have been cleared from her side of the family. We're waiting. Thing is we may never know WHO did it. The baby cant talk.. and if the person who did it tells a convincing story.. well....
Right now she has been instructed that the baby stays with NO ONE but her. Which screws up her night classes.. but in the long run its for the better.
....
I still want to drive down there and find who did it and ...... do something!
*grumbles*
~me
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
The search begins
Today i took the day off of work to try to get some things sorted out with mum's care.
I am happy to report that i have got some things worked out. Her coverage does indeed NOT expire. She is covered for life. Mum does have an issue of a pension that will convert from one to the other but thats it.
Yay on medical coverage!
I spent the rest of the day going from long term facility to the next trying to find one that i would put my mum into.
I must say i encountered some of the most disgusting places i have EVER seen in my entire life! OMG the stench of some of these places along with the care (or lack there of) with the residents. Alot of these places were just plain sad and depressing. I would not put my DOG in some of these homes let alone my parent!!!
I did however find two. One that is good in the interim - one that i will have as her ultimate home to live at. I still didn't get out to one of them. I may do so tonight after she is sleeping. The one in the interim is BLOCKS from my work (like 3 to 4) So i could walk there the nights D14 is with her father and spend time with mum there till she goes to bed.
I am thankful that mum still has all her marbles. That she ultimately has the say in weather she will stay at which ever place. I have taken up the task of finding a suitable 4 to take her to. From there... she can decide.
I think my standards for long term care are too high though. I found myself asking myself - Would YOU stay here? The answer with her 'final destination' was oh hell ya!' The interim one was... 'well it would do in a pinch' (which is exactly what we are in) the rest the answer was "id disown my kids if they EVER put me in a place like this!"
Mum has the luxury (and believe me it is when it comes to this) to be able to afford a private room. A place she can call her own. Here she will have her own bathroom and closet and room. Here she can decorate it as she chooses. Here she can go to bed when she wants and not have to worry of her "room mate" staying up half the night to watch star trek re-runs. Not that there is anything wrong with star trek - its just not mum's cup of tea!
So now... i have to take some mornings from work and bring her from spot to spot so she can see what each looks like and decide from there.
Her time in the house may be as short as a week... can be as long as 6 to 8 months.
Regardless.... my life is once again about to dramatically change.... and I'm not sure i'm quite ready for this next step. Even IF its a good thing.
my God... what am I going to do with all my new found free time?!
*blinks*
I just don't know. For the past.... forever it seems.. i have taken care of mum. Now what?!
I can imagine i will feel obligated to go to the residence EVERY night... which sir will appease for a short while then he will tell me thats enough and cut me back. I have in the past bent over backwards to always ensure i was with mum in the evenings after work (when she spent 6 months in the hospital a few years back) I am sure sir will not like me returning to that stage of my life.
I don't know.... but there is no need to get all frazzled about it now. What i discuss here may happen as soon as next week... as long as 8 months from now.
~me
I am happy to report that i have got some things worked out. Her coverage does indeed NOT expire. She is covered for life. Mum does have an issue of a pension that will convert from one to the other but thats it.
Yay on medical coverage!
I spent the rest of the day going from long term facility to the next trying to find one that i would put my mum into.
I must say i encountered some of the most disgusting places i have EVER seen in my entire life! OMG the stench of some of these places along with the care (or lack there of) with the residents. Alot of these places were just plain sad and depressing. I would not put my DOG in some of these homes let alone my parent!!!
I did however find two. One that is good in the interim - one that i will have as her ultimate home to live at. I still didn't get out to one of them. I may do so tonight after she is sleeping. The one in the interim is BLOCKS from my work (like 3 to 4) So i could walk there the nights D14 is with her father and spend time with mum there till she goes to bed.
I am thankful that mum still has all her marbles. That she ultimately has the say in weather she will stay at which ever place. I have taken up the task of finding a suitable 4 to take her to. From there... she can decide.
I think my standards for long term care are too high though. I found myself asking myself - Would YOU stay here? The answer with her 'final destination' was oh hell ya!' The interim one was... 'well it would do in a pinch' (which is exactly what we are in) the rest the answer was "id disown my kids if they EVER put me in a place like this!"
Mum has the luxury (and believe me it is when it comes to this) to be able to afford a private room. A place she can call her own. Here she will have her own bathroom and closet and room. Here she can decorate it as she chooses. Here she can go to bed when she wants and not have to worry of her "room mate" staying up half the night to watch star trek re-runs. Not that there is anything wrong with star trek - its just not mum's cup of tea!
So now... i have to take some mornings from work and bring her from spot to spot so she can see what each looks like and decide from there.
Her time in the house may be as short as a week... can be as long as 6 to 8 months.
Regardless.... my life is once again about to dramatically change.... and I'm not sure i'm quite ready for this next step. Even IF its a good thing.
my God... what am I going to do with all my new found free time?!
*blinks*
I just don't know. For the past.... forever it seems.. i have taken care of mum. Now what?!
I can imagine i will feel obligated to go to the residence EVERY night... which sir will appease for a short while then he will tell me thats enough and cut me back. I have in the past bent over backwards to always ensure i was with mum in the evenings after work (when she spent 6 months in the hospital a few years back) I am sure sir will not like me returning to that stage of my life.
I don't know.... but there is no need to get all frazzled about it now. What i discuss here may happen as soon as next week... as long as 8 months from now.
~me
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