And I'm back....

Just spent a nice 5 days with my sir. It was heaven on a stick and then some.

And then i had to come back to this so called existence that I'm really REALLY starting to not like

Yes i love coming back to my children (even if they don't clean the house and spent all the money i left them) I love coming back to my pets (even if the dog did pee on the D14's bed and the cats ... well their cats) I love coming back to make sure mum is o.k. I like coming back to my co-workers that i am SO grateful for having.

However...

I do hate coming back to a job that i really hate. There is NO communication in that place what so ever. Oh but how they boast at how great their communication is. Whatever.

I do hate the drive back that takes 5 hours on a good no accident/no construction day. Last night was 7 and a bit hours on the road. Driving alone.. with a radio that kept cutting out as i have no antenna and a CD player that packed it in right after i got it from the mechanic. Convenient.

I do hate coming back and having to then switch over. I make my decisions for my day to day stuff. I choose my clothings. What to make for supper. How to pass my day. What time to go to bed(mostly) ...... blah.

I do hate that when it comes down to it I'm alone again. Not alone in the house but alone without adult conversation, his touches, his attentions.......

I hate that

I don't like that at all.

I miss him lots. This was a hard drive back. I cried on and off the whole way back. Usually all i do is cry to the state line (which is on hour) and I'm done for the rest of the time. This time i cried on and off for the entire 7 hours. I stuffed back tears today.... its not been fun

Thing is I'm not liking this seeing him once every 4 to 6 months. I'm not liking that ALL i have is communication daily with him. Ya sure... long distance relationships.. blah blah blah. We don't have an 'ordinary' relationship. We can and will do this.

I just hope that i don't have to wait another 4 months to see him......it hurts my heart just to think of it....

:(

~Just a sad littleone tonight.....